you have to choose: penises or morals?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
