smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think my tv is drunk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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