I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize