Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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