the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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