how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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