Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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