Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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