And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
