I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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