all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
