dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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