i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
