am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
