He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize