You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
