I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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