My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
