my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
