we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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