There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
