You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
