Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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