I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
