it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
