i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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