I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
