sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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