Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
