I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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