Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
