Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
