I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
