You just made me feel so damn special
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
