I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize