That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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