Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
