Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
