if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He passed out mid-signature
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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