At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
