I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
