I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
