i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
