I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize