forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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