i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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