I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
