what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
