So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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