So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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