I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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