I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
