We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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