Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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