so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
