And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
