just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
