omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
