omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
two words...techno handjob
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm too high and old for this...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
