Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
