Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
