Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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