totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
handjob tips. give me some.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
