Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
