Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
