im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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