You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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