If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
