Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
