I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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